Final Grandpa Update

I am still quite sad today while trying to trust in God's sovereignty and love, while trying to believe that "behind a frowning providence there hides a smiling face" (Bunyan).

I was comforted by a friend from seminary who wrote in an email that he grieved with me and that Joseph, who trusted in the sovereign goodness of God like few others (cf. Gen 50:21), cried six times during his ordeal. That's about how many times I've cried today as I've tried to journal about the past 10 days and the past 29 years with my grandpa, Herbert Hoover Cox.

There is no more need to give updates on my grandpa so this is the final one. He's doing far better now that he's in heaven, having become so on December 1, 2006, and no longer in need of our prayers. Again, I can't thank all of you enough for your prayers and support. Every time I told him about you he'd close his eyes, smile, and say "Tell them I said Thank you." It meant so much to him. Thank you.

The only thing left to say is that his memorial is at 2:30pm this coming Sunday, March 4th, at Pacific View Memorial Park in Corona del Mar. Please pray for me as this is my first funeral, and for the many unbelievers who will be in attendance.

Grandpa Update

He died. He wanted me to thank you for all your love and prayers.

He's no longer sick and more alive now than he's ever been.

Grandpa Update

I haven't blogged much this week because I've been at the hospital most of the time. The pneumonia never got too bad because it was caught so early (thank God!). All his vitals are stable (except his body temperature is low, between 95 and 97) and his all-there mentally.

Aside from his general condition, which is weak, and his general mental state being pretty depressed I think he's doing well--much better than when he entered.

I just received word that he went for his longest walk of the past couple weeks, which tells me he's not giving up. I've heard that if you give cancer an inch, it will take a mile, if you let up on it for one second it will kill you.

Aside from his surgery on Dec. 1, the last time my grandpa was in the hospital was the day the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. He's lived a very healthy life so all of this is really new and uncomfortable and discouraging to him. That's why aside from praying and reading the Bible with him every night I'm also trying to encourage him to keep the fight going.

Because he's doing so well and no longer needs the antibiotics for the pneumonia, it looks like he's being moved today to an assisted living facility where they're going to work on rehabilitating him to come home and to be able to withstand the chemo.

Please pray that his health stays good, that his strength increases considerably and that he sees good things happening so that he'll be encouraged. Many can see God's fingerprints on the whole situation. Not only has God helped him while in the hospital this week, but He's helped us learn what to do for him when he gets home.

I truly thank God for all He's done this week and look forward to what He's going to do in the future.

The Enemy Within: Chapter 11 (Pt 1)

Since my grandpa Hoover has cancer I am slightly familiar with the concept behind Mr. Lundgaard's opening illustration. The question: How do we fight and beat the sin in our hearts? The answer he gives is "See God." Seeing God is like chemotherapy or radiation as "the soul sees what God is like in his glory, sees what it is like in its sickness, and buries its face in the dirt. Then the healing starts. God's radiating majesty kills the rotten marrow of sin and replaces it with humility. A heart humbled by God's terrible majesty can begin its recovery and grow strong. Sin can't thrive in a humble heart" (128).

In other words, maturing Christians, Christians who are fighting sin, are Christians who study theology. They are Christians who know God. I tell my students that it's not a question of whether or not I do theology or whether or not I am a theologian. The moment you say "God is _______" you're being a theologian. Therefore, the question is not "Am I a theologian?" The question is "Am I a good one?" And "good" is measured by NOTHING else than does what I believe about God match the Bible.

Practically, this means we have to not only read but meditate--which for me means journal and blog--on the passages of the Bible that most reveal God's majesty / glory / holiness, i.e. Genesis 1-2, Exodus 3, 12-15, 19-20, 32-34, Leviticus 10-11, Deuteronomy 6-10, 28-30, Job 38-42, Psalms 93-100, Isaiah 6, 40-66, Ezekiel 1-11, Daniel 2-4, Joel, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Matthew 10, 23-25, Luke 13-14, Acts 5, Romans 1-3, 2 Corinthians 5, Hebrews 10, Revelation 2-3, 6-19, etc.

We have to spend concentrated times in these and other passages, not just skimming them to say we did it, but really slowing down, reading and thinking about the implications of what we read, even writing them down because "if we want to put sin to death in our hearts, we have to swallow the strongest doses of God's terrible majesty we can" (128).

This also means that we should be reading theology books, and if we do so rightly, these books will help us fight sin. It also means we need to go to churches where we hear sermons that glorify God in His "terrible majesty." This is the goal of preaching, to set God before people, which in turn transforms them (2 Cor 3:18).

Grandpa Update

Today was the kind of day that reminded me of something I heard John Bunyan say by way of John Piper's biography about him (read or listen here, I think it's one of Piper's best): "Behind a frowning providence there hides a smiling face."

I hold my grandpa upright, helping him get into his wheelchair, when he passed out. My mom and I sat him in the chair so that we could wheel him to his bed, but he slumped down and was near falling off completely. I stopped my mom from pulling the chair any further, lifted him off the chair and set him on the floor while telling her to call 911.

When he went limp in my arms I thought he died. He was not responding to anything I was saying. Not even his eyes moved. When I got him on the floor, I was trying to assess whether or not he needed CPR while praying fervently. It was clear that he was breathing, but I could not find a pulse either on his neck (I was looking in the wrong spot) or his wrist.

Thankfully, I heard the ambulance coming so I knew they'd take over. After talking to my grandpa about all this later he told me he doesn't remember how he got on the floor or even that he was on the floor. He was not responding much at all so I'm not surprised. However, once the paramedics showed up he was talking to them, which was quite a relief.

The reason I quote Bunyan above is because when we got to the ER we learned after a few tests that he had what the doctor called "a touch of pneumonia," something we never would've noticed until it was farther along. If he had not passed out today we would not have known at all.

On top of that, the ER was packed all day and all night, that is, except for the time he got there. It was practically empty. I shudder to think what it would've been like if he would've passed out a couple hours later.

So, what started out as a tragedy ended up being a wonderful blessing in disguise as it seemed that God orchestrated the whole thing to keep my grandpa safe and alive. He is now at Hoag Hospital resting soundly, unaware of all the physical and respiratory torture, I mean therapy, that awaits him in a few hours.

I thank God for all the events today, and I thank all of you for all your prayers. He was supposed to start round 2 of chemotherapy tomorrow so please pray that he'll get better from the pneumonia, and that he'll get his strength up to start chemo soon. Also, please pray for his girlfriend's mental state (she's a Mormon who recently buried one brother from cancer, has had cancer herself, and just found out today that her oldest brother is very sick) as well as wisdom for my mom and her two brothers as they are making many of his medical decisions.

Any advice on anything is greatly appreciated. I'll keep this updated as I can. Thank you for everything.

The Enemy Within: Chapter 10 (Pt 3)

My friend and I meet once a week to talk about this book, and I gain so much from our time together. I especially look forward to how he's going to describe the interaction he has with the text as Mr. Lundgaard or Mr. Owen or both have an uncanny knack for describing the human soul's interaction with sin.

We've talked often about how white hot the love for Christ was in the days soon after being saved. Prayer came easy as we were able to focus without rabbit trails distracting us. Bible reading was a joy as new discoveries were made daily. Times at church were so rich that we looked forward to it each week. Fighting sin and hating the world came much easier. God was tangible, real, almost touchable in the things He'd do to demonstrate His existence and love.

This may be a bit of exaggeration, but this is how we remember our early days as Christians and others we've talked to agree there's a special grace God gives new converts.

When we talk, we look back longing to get back to those days because prayer is difficult, Bible study seems dry, church is routine and fighting sin is hard with God seeming far away. After interacting with the material in the previous post on The Enemy Within I can see why this happened in my life. I actually should spend a lot more time comparing those 7 buckets of ice water to my life because if I look close enough, I think all 7 would apply in one way or another to me.

And, it is the imagery of forsaking one's first love that makes me think Jesus' words from Revelation 2:4-5 are talking about people like me who remember the heights from which I have fallen with Him and need to repent, doing the things I did when I first became a Christian or face worse judgment in my life.

This is why I'm so glad chapter 10 ends with a short section on 'Falling in Love Again.' I wish it went into more detail, but the gist is that if you heed the warning of vv. 4-5 above the blessing is that fellowship will be renewed with Christ, and that you can't heed that warning without making a consorted effort to "murder the flesh" (121).

On that note, another friend of mine made a very insightful observation about pride. I want to kill my pride so much. I hate pride with a passion and the numerous ways it sneakily and obviously expresses itself. I want it dead until someone says something that wounds it. Then, I protect it with a vengeance. I should want everyone to wound my pride constantly. The more attacks the better, but I don't really or else I'd welcome criticism and confrontation in my life rather than avoiding it. Something to chew on.

My Life Verse

Today was the day I read the most convicting passage in the Bible for me, which just so happens to double as the qualification standard any pastor-teacher-elder-overseer must have. If a man does not meet this, he may have the desire, but he's not qualified and has no business in pastoral ministry.

1 Timothy 3:2-7

"...an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil."

Because I try to read two chapters of the NT each day (along with 3 OT and 1 Psalm or 1 Proverb chapter), I also read what became my life verses a few years ago.

1 Timothy 4:12-16

"Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. Until I come, give attention to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation and teaching. Do not neglect the spiritual gift within you, which was bestowed on you through prophetic utterance with the laying on of hands by the presbytery. Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that your progress will be evident to all. Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you."

Grandpa Update

My grandpa's strength is deteriorating. He's tired all day. His stamina has gone way down, and his legs get very shakey when he walks. He eats, but not as much as we'd like.

We think the weakness is due to low blood sugar so we've taken him off his blood sugar medicine, but it seems that once we figure one problem out another arises. I know he's getting frustrated.

Our times in the Bible and prayer each night are very sweet, and he wanted me to tell all of you praying for him how grateful he is that people who don't know him and have never met him are thinking and praying for him.

He tells me every night how much he looks forward to our time together before he goes to bed where we read a portion of Mark's gospel and pray.

So, while is body is getting worse, at least for now, his spirit is being strengthened by God's amazing grace. Thank you.

The Enemy Within: Chapter 10 (Pt 2)

The Christian's sinful flesh hates God, and it knows the Christian does not. So, rather than trying to get the Christian to hate God (which is impossible), it rather "dumps seven buckets of ice water on our first love" (115).

The buckets carry ice made from seven rancid pools that form in our hearts.

1. Ice of Corrosion -- The flesh applies it's acid to our love for God by slowly, but deliberately "enticing us to lay aside spiritual duties one by one," by "making us think we can get by with a little less prayer, shorter and fewer private devotions--until he at last convinces us that ee can get along without talking to God at all" (116-7).

2. Ice of Formality -- When we must worship God, "the flesh will make our religion into a formal affair," sapping the life out of it because a religion with the fear of God coming from our entire being becomes a stench in His nostrils (116).

3. Ice of Distraction -- The flesh loves it when we're more passionate about political or social causes, music, hobbies than we are about God who "never lift their eyes about the cause to see the Christ" (117).

4. Ice of Domestication -- The flesh hates it when we hate sin so its goal is to make us think sin is no big deal, forgetting that "unrepentant and cherished sin douses the fire of first love" (117).

5. Ice of Knowledge -- Theology is not optional in the life of the believer. In fact, everyone is a theologian because everyone has something to say about God. The issue is not "Are you a theologian?" but "Are you a good one?" meaning does what you say about God match the Bible. Well, on this question for knowledge the flesh loves it when we treat the Bible like a textbook. If we're like that before God's word, leaving our time in it unchanged, the flesh has "snuffed out the wick of [our] first love" (118).

6. Ice of Independence -- If the Christian starts to sing "I Did It My Way," the flesh has drenched your first love.

7. Ice of Neglect -- The flesh will do everything to keep you from private prayer and Bible study. My favorite quote in the book: "The person who calls himself a Christian, who says he loves God, yet does not seek his company and delight in it, can't be a true lover of God. His own flesh has deceived him" (118-9). Your flesh will reason say, like mine does everyday, "you listened to that sermon," or "you sang that song," or "you watched that TV preacher," or "you did family devotions so you don't have to read and pray." Or, it will trick you into thinking "I'll pray more after the big test has past" when there's always another test another activity another thing. If you've made a habit of listening to it when it speaks, you've lost your first love.

Lundgaard ends this section with these chilling, thought-provoking, soul-searching words: "You may make a great show of love and faith at church...[but] if there is no priviate communion between you and Jesus--freqent and deep communion--then your religion is worthless. You've lost your first love. You stand at the end of Jesus' finger, aimed at your face with his threat: 'You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place (Revelation 2:4-5)'" (119-20).

Next, we'll see what we should do to rekindled the passion in our hearts for Jesus after the flesh douses it with one of these 7 ice buckets.

Famine for God

If this is not a description of most churches in the West and most churches in Orange County where I live, than I don't know what is. I pray that God is gracious to us and relents of this particular judgment on us:

Amos 8:11-12

"Behold, the days are coming," declares the Lord GOD, "when I will send a famine on the land--not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the LORD. They shall wander from sea to sea, and from north to east; they shall run to and fro, to seek the word of the LORD, but they shall not find it."

First, notice who's speaking and who's acting. This is a sovereign act of Adonai Yahweh, God our Lord, our Master.

Second, what does our Lord do? HE sends the famine. Notice, the effects of the famine are the same--hungering, thirsting, wandering, running to and fro for an unfulfilled desire. However, the object being sought after for consumption is not food or water, but it is the Word of God.

Today, it's en vogue in church to teach everything at church but God's Word. When that's an accurate general description of the church, I think this passage should arrest us and cause us to ask "Are things like this because of God's judgment?" Is this more than an educational issue? Is mass repentance in order?

Third, notice the result of what God does. Despite the passionate search, God's Word is not found.

I can't tell you have many conversations I've had in the last decade about this, especially in Orange County, California--people hopping from church to church to simply hear someone explain the Bible. I'm convinced there are thousands of Christians, right here, who're dying to hear God's Word, even poorly explained, at church. They don't want to hear about the latest cultural fads, the current trends in psychology, philosophy, social issues, business management, relationship therapy, etc.

They are asking one question. They care about one thing. What does God say? What does He say about Himself? What does God say about me? What does He say about salvation? What does God say about relationships? What does He say about good and evil and truth and integrity?

God! God! God! It's all about Him. Christianity is NOT about me! Christians instinctually know this, and are longing for a place where they will hear God speak.

So, are you part of the solution, or part of the problem?

God, the Truly Satisfying

As Augustine expresses his struggles to submit his heart to God in his Confessions, he gives us a truly remarkable picture of God's drawing and wooing of the unbeliever that helps us share the message of the gospel with wisdom.

This is yet another insightful contribution that gives us a great lesson about the unbelieving heart. Here, in chapter VI, paragraph 16, he wrote,

"Woe to the audacious soul which hoped that by forsaking You it would find some better thing! It tossed and turned, upon back and side and belly—but the bed is hard, and You alone give it rest."

These words remind us of his famous opening line: "for You have made us for Yourself and restless is our heart until it comes to rest in You (I.1)"

Thanks to Augustine's read of his own heart, it seems we can say that the unbeliever is hoping that he's coming out ahead by rejecting the gospel. In a cost-benefit analysis, the benefits of the gospel (God declaring you not guilty for your sin, God redeeming you from slavery to sin, God's wrath against you being satisfied, the establishing of a friendship with the King of the Universe, etc.) do not outweigh the benefits they're receiving from remaining in unbelief.

Like Augustine, they think they've found something better than God. Something else has come along and promised them the rest that only the gospel truly gives. Something else seems to satisfy them, fulfill them, speak peace and joy to them.

In the end, whatever the "better thing" is, it ultimately is a counterfeit gospel that gives a counterfeit rest as their life is ultimately being controlled by a counterfeit god who does not satisfy, does not fulfill, and does not give joy and peace. That only comes when a person is connected to the God they were created to be connected to, and that connection only comes from the gospel they've traded in.

You can trust that this dynamic is going on, and our job, with insight from God's Spirit, is to patiently take the time to identify this idol in their heart--whether it's intellectual, emotional, etc.--and seek to wisely pull down that stronghold with the mighty weapons of gospel truth (cf. 2 Cor 10:3-5) in a manner that is gentle, loving, kind, respectful and gracious (cf. Eph 4:15, Col 4:5-6, 2 Tim 2:24-25, 1 Pet 3:15).

As an aside, this is much of the same issue to be dealt with in the believer's struggle with the remaining sin in his own heart. What truly satisfies? What gives true joy? Where will I find rest today? In sin, or the Christ revealed in the gospel.

Call to Prayer

Alister Begg just announced here that he has prostate cancer.

Please pray for wisdom in treatment options, a speedy recovery, and grace to grow from this experience.

The Enemy Within: Chapter 10 (Pt 1)

So far, we've seen what sin is and how it works. Now, in the next couple posts, we'll see what sin does.

In chapter 7 of his gospel, Luke recounts when a women anointed Jesus' feet and dried them with her hair at the house of a Pharisee. The point of this event is given in verse 47 "For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little."

Lundgaard comments that Jesus "meant that her great love, which spilled over with tears and tenderness for him, flowed from a clear sight of how much she had wronged God, and how much he had pardoned her" (113-4).

In other words, if the flame of my love for God is going down it's because my awareness of my sin is also going down. By contrast, her "love for [Jesus] was heated white hot by this fan: a sense of how much God had freely forgiven her in Christ" (114).

Therefore, in its battle against God's Spirit in us, the flesh "dumps seven buckets of ice water on our first love" (115)...which we'll look at next time.